We were all in!
We researched. We prepared. We sought counsel. We spoke with lawyers and others to understand the adoption process. We talked. And dreamed. I was even preparing my own body to nurse our daughter.
We talked a lot to our son about his new baby sister. For months Colton knew and practiced her name. We prayed for her each night before bed. When we finally had Gracie in our arms, he gently and sweetly touched her face and kissed her cheek. We enjoyed a blissful, sleep-less (almost) 24-hours with our Gracie.
The night after we returned Grace to her birth mom, Colton woke up in the middle of the night, crying and asking where his baby Gracie was.
The reality was that we couldn’t wait to welcome this new little one into our hearts and our home.
We reiterated to all involved that we did not want to force the birth mom to make a decision she didn’t want. She almost had an abortion but because of God’s mercy, she decided to search for a family to adopt her baby girl. We told her that we would support her decision should she decide to keep her baby. But, we let her know that once she put Grace in our arms, she would be our daughter.
And so we grieve the loss of our daughter. We don’t grieve her death. No! In fact, we rejoice that the Lord spared her life. We had the amazing opportunity to be a small part of that!
Please, friends, do not think we have lost hope. We are just grieving. We grieve because we invested our love, hope, financial savings, and time, dedicated to the preparation of caring for and loving this little one, for whom we have spent years waiting. We grieve because we recently lost our own little one, our little Hope, just a few short months before.
Simply put, we grieve because our hearts are, once again, broken. They will heal. With time they will again be whole, even though they will always carry a deep scar. Grace has touched our hearts in a way we could never have imagined.
So until our hearts mend, we need time, tenderness, patience, and love from those who truly care for us. Thank you for constantly lifting us up to our Heavenly Father, who promises to restore and heal His children.
~ Psalms 34:18 ~
The Lord is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart;